ilovebeingme

2009-11-01T14:19:00.002+08:00

after watching LICENSE TO WED,
i realised that there so many things in life that you're never certain of
the slightest form of misunderstandings and pressure
could end up with your relationship being entirely torn apart..
:((
to sum it all, the part where SADIE was in the resort room and BEN called
:)) i was engulfed with emotions.
it may have taken BEN an awful long time to clear his mind,
thinking of what to write while scribbling toy trucks in the book of vows
he finally wrote his vows
- on the sand just outside SADIE's resort room's window

2009-10-08T09:53:00.000+08:00

so thats what you think of me :(
is this the kind of morning greeting im getting?!
you're one peculiar american dude!
thanks la you botak, i mean Mat Salleh Botak Gila :P

what have i done to seduce you? name them.
you need some smacking! *grrr*
will make you eat that middle eastern cuisine we ordered in :)
remember the classic expression you gave? *chuckles*
still, thanks toning me down when im crazy
and cheering me up when i look a little too out of place ;D
btw, hows the girlfriend?-. lol.

2009-10-08T02:34:00.005+08:00

Long Distance Relationship - LDR :((

being in LDR is very difficult and confusing
family relatives friends mean well, but in all honesty
they cant relate to the special challenges
that come with these romances

people like me have difficulty being in such relationships
or even talking about the possibility initially
i kept thinking, how was i to face the awkward discussions?
somehow i was falling for this man, i couldnt let go
and just forget about him right?-. im not crazy to do such a thing
gave it a shot and i didnt regret :))

LDR made me come to terms with whether my own relationship
would be capable of withstanding pressures
and expectations that comes with the distance..
which greatly require commitment, communication, time, and trust

being in a long distance relationship,
i knew i had to compromise, adjust, recalculate and reconsider
almost every aspect of the relationship..
making the relationship infinitely stronger as a result.
truth is, the distance forces me to assess the
quality and durability of my relationship
being geographically distanced from him helped me identify
whether my relationship is healthy and viable

people are always skeptical/condescending
about me and my partner's abilities to keep things going..
but ultimately i know its only up to me
with patience, trust and care, i know it can survive and work well
even despite the distance.. i always kept in mind
that communication leads to appreciation and evaluation

trust is essential, without it there's bound to be problems
jealousy occurs, ending up with one controlling
which often leads to mutual distrust
distance is a great help to slowly open up to this relationship
without the incessant presence of the partner
the romance stays kindled since we're not around each other 24/7

though, its frustrating that there isnt intimacy,
no hugging and kissing, the time difference is such a killer too :(
difficulties in connecting due to lack of eye contact
and no walks or dinners together :((

but then again, it makes the meetings so much more intense
then how it would be with a local relationship
its the quality not the quantity.
well right now, i just really wish i have him beside me
cuddling on the couch, laughing to silly sitcom
or maybe just looking at each other..

i wanna wake up to march, not christmas, not new year..
just the month of march. i love you baby-.

2009-10-07T23:34:00.000+08:00

2009-10-07T21:31:00.005+08:00

his mother keeps texting, again-.
when will she ever understand that ive already given up?
dont you geddit, I DONT WANNA BE WITH YOUR SON ANYMORE!
ive moved on and it simply made me stronger..
never once did my parents restrict me from any of my passion
even though it may sound crazy, they were supportive!
as for your son, everything is a BIG NO! why?-
because he's jealous about anything.

i cant meet FEMALE cousins cos i'll end up with random guys numbers?
my schoolmates are too childish and boisterous- so its a NO?!
guys friends shouldnt be in my phone list, it spells disaster
heading to the mall to buy stationeries without him is SO WRONG!
staying in school until late to finish up my project = A LIE?
going for any student council meetings = flirting with more boys?!
he cheats then lies = my fault so i deserve the beating-.
flirting with a co-worker in front of me = i am a guy, why are you so jealous?!

MEETING HIM was the only sane thing he thinks I SHOULD DO!?!
- and this still makes him thinks that im going out late into the night
and sleeping around with just about any men?!
im a social escorts, im a prostitute, a cheap bitch? blah blah blah~
given up caring about what you say, i know myself better.
hours day after day, i sat home just so you wont worry while you're at work
yet im being flushed down by such accusations, thats obnoxious!

there's plenty to rake up but this is just about enough,
you dont deserve such a popularity anyway.
for so you realise, im only twenty this year. ive got a life ahead of me..
gimme a break. he's twenty-eight years old!
i wanna live through my pre-adult life too! without this obsessive being.
brain still functioning - i can make my own decisions, thanks.

as much as i appreciate all the times ive shared with your family,
i still dont think you should pressurize me into staying
why, under any circumstances must i do so?
i really wont mind the idea of staying friends with you and family
but being with him is something totally absurd.

2009-10-06T19:29:00.002+08:00

so thats how i look like for gym ;D
under whatever circumstances, i dont look appealing.
you old pervs, i dont look anything like a sex kitten in the gym! omg.
an eyeliner is used to perk up my eyes
which by far, doesnt make that much of a difference ;D

messy hair; clipped upfrench manicure; protection from getting chipped.
not vain nor high maintenance,
i just love my nails-.

2009-10-05T19:56:00.002+08:00

so the mum calls me, i ignored.
then she starts calling both phones?! gosh.
she text me saying that she went to visit him etc
and my mind was thinking - so, what has that got to do with me?
that dude apparently told her he miss me etc
so being nice, i told her to tell him to simply forget it.
like any mum would be, she became a little defensive *sighs*
i didnt dump your son! :D
he did the dumping after brainless accusations
so i dont see my fault here ;D

2009-09-30T03:40:00.001+08:00

went to etty's place ;D
head home then out with etty and mon.
- supper was hilarious, with ott jokes. thanks eh mon.

after supper drove up to kent ridge; damn haze -_-
headed all the way to changi and conversation stirred in..
ghosts?!
went through to the changi village and saw sexybabes *ROFLMAO*
did a roundabout to the chalets, passing by the famous
Old Changi Hospital-.
then back home cos they had to work while i need my gym :))

2009-09-28T23:56:00.000+08:00

tribute to farhan; 010107
reminiscing those times we've had.

that pool incident ;Dremember the meal @ seoul garden? :D

i know, farhan. you told me so, i shudv' listened.

2009-09-27T05:30:00.000+08:00

;D we'll hangout more okayy ila ?-

2009-09-26T07:58:00.005+08:00

omg! this kid is awesome.
11 years old with that kinda move? wow!
amazing talent!

Aiden Davis - Britain's Got Talent Show 6
Semi Final 5 - Britains Got Talent 2009
Britain's Got Talent 2009 - The Final

2009-09-24T18:42:00.001+08:00

so firzanah needed her handphone repaired,
i on the other hand needed drugs ;P well, sort of.
havent had any sleep in 2 days, been rather busy with visiting etc
showered got changed and headed to the industrial area
being oblivious to its exact location - though i knew the street name
i suggested on taking the bus :D *smartypants*

guess what? it wasnt worth the 44cents at all!
the place was like 2 bus stops away, about 15 min walk..
darn it! and we even needed directions to get there. it was all too silly
old men kept looking cos the place was kinda secluded
rushed up, got the pills, dumb reception! and headed back to base

since we were both starving mad, we head to BPP
you have so gotta try this french fries from this shop - errr..
wait, i dont remember the name! sorry-.
anyway, got fries then head to LJS for the proper meal
being girls and all full of energy, pictures we taken every few min :))

for once, i slept on the bus wihtout my head bobbing like mad.
at least thats what sister told me -_-
idk, she was busy texting so even if i did go "hiphop"
she might not have notice it eventhough she's sitting beside me-

we didnt really go on a extreme shopping spree :(
i was crazy over changing my hair colour..
she was, again, too engrossed in texting god-knows-who.
got some tanks etc before heading home..
never knew falling asleep in the bus was so much fun ;D
have a great evening everyone!

2009-09-22T17:46:00.003+08:00

in your face :DD

2009-09-22T02:20:00.005+08:00

:DD you know who you are.
thanks for believing in me all along :DD
sorry if i made your bill expensive, due to overseas calls
why not, you move to singapore? :)

2009-09-19T05:55:00.001+08:00

gosh, ahmet! :DD
was that really necessary?! you made me embarrassed.
but im glad to have chat with your sister
she's such a great soul :D

looking forward to staying with her in the apartment :D
new environment for me but im glad
btw, you owe me kebabs for this surprise okay? i dont care!

i want chicken kebabs from Bursa only!
no place else, promise? :D

2009-09-16T03:06:00.003+08:00

why did i stay, why did i stay?

i hate when he doesnt help with the dishes
even though he messes up the most
and i beg him all the time to help me
he knew that he should but he's lazy so he dont
he's always not considering my feelings
thinking too much for himself
most of the time he's so damn selfish
he dont even realize ive been treating him so well

im so much better than him
he's so unworthy of me
why should i stay, why should i stay
tell me why?

i hate that we dont spend much time
we barely see each other at all
i dont even nag him about always working
i just said i just wish every now and then that you'd call
and i dont know why im still here
i could have any man that i want
he should step outside of himself
to see how much ive loved him
and all the things that he should have done for me
that he just dont, just dont

and i realize, i was in love
and i dont understand
there's gotta be a better man for me
so he should do his time and let me do what im suppose to
because im better with life without him

*sorry to everyone who's been tryna make me realise,
that life without him was much better :(

2009-09-13T04:02:00.001+08:00

sahur dgn family :DD

we just came back from sahur at al amin, bukit timah
and im super kenyang lor :D

yesterday was sister's birthday and we spent it at
west coast, mcdonalds together with mama, mamang, azizi and ameerul..
did nothing much but just hanging around
since sister loves west coast park's playground so much :D
on the high note, conversation about my travelling has been approved!
gosh, i really cant wait to travel overseas. alone-.
wouldnt it be great?! :DD *dreaming~

2009-09-12T01:33:00.001+08:00

ZOOM RAMADHAN! :DD

ily you guys so much-.
ite clementi student councillors is the best! :DD
need i say more? ;)

2009-09-06T02:40:00.004+08:00

outings with cousins are always the best :DD
we had additions today, though..
eqyn brought mas, the guy we met from sentosa
etty brought mon, sort of work colleague/dating partner :D
and i brought my sister :P

5:30pm meeting at paya lebar.
as usually we cousins have the tendency to be late!-
etty came first cos mon sent her over and that was already 5:45pm
i reached almost close to her timing :D
guess who's late this time? :P LOL

etty zanah and me went around city plaza to shop
since arnold chicken was fully booked!? :(
both some clothings and off to sit at the steps and wait for eqyn
she came with mas, LOL. that guy from the flipping group at sentosa :D

after much menyangkong and discussion, we decided to rush to town
to break fast and thanks MON for sending us :D
mas brought 2 friends along but i remember only one of them, JAP
off to lucky plaza, ayam penyet also full
so no choice we makan at mcdonalds, geez.. apedah.

makan pun kecoh, kacau one another but mon kene rabak
LOL, inside joke, cant share here. ask me and i'll relate it to you, okay?
farhan called again asking if we're joining..
so we headed down to al-sheikh :DD

its sharin's advance birthday since he's going ns soon :D
i wanna imagine how he'll look like botak :P
the guys put up a mini performance, especially sharin..

fantastic bro! lets find you a recording label!
nothing much left to say here, other than all the jokes :DD
but too much to share so enjoy the pictures okay?

:DD cepat-cepat kahwin!
faiz, :D buddy and counsellor since 2007.
just us cousins - missing one though :(
mas - the guy from the flipping crew at sentosa :P
farhan the ex boyfriend :D da botak la dier-.sharin, me and this dude, whom i know since sec 3 *ROFL-
we left really late, around 1am plus cos we waited for farhan
*tsk tsk tsk* nasib baik mon antar :P
cam-whoring while in the car, thanks mon for sending us home
sorry about irritating you with the camera's flashes!

home sweet pineapples *you know right sis, pineapples? :P*
goodnights-.

2009-09-03T01:44:00.003+08:00

okayy; am revising for my exams right now :D
hopefully it pays well and having that certain MR.T isnt a great help
*lips are sealed* random snap, ;D

2009-08-29T07:19:00.000+08:00

mira, isnt this shoe colour - lovely? :P
LOL, just tryna make you jealous.
im getting loads of purple lately, whats next :DD

2009-08-16T20:12:00.000+08:00

Family Day @ Singapore Discovery :D

daddy's workplace had this organised but oh well
there wasnt much to do there.
mum and dad got their butt glued to the entertainment
while we three, loitered along the whole area :D

including this, it'll be my fourth time in singapore discovery
in just this year! omg! LOL-
bump into mr henry again? he was like,"you again?" smirked.
LMAO, him again. so i got a discount card :D

we had fun running around like monkeys and playing the games..
had a mini picnic on the grass patch?! the food was nice!
uhmm. forget that i just said about the picnic on the grass okay?
it rained for a while and then we went home :D

so here's the 3 musketeers :DD

and the two gila-punya-orang :DD

2009-07-17T20:45:00.000+08:00

mati luh-.
datang Lot 1 to go shopping and meet sister,
skali i kena ketuk eat at Pastamania?! LOL :DD *laughing*
its hard to find time to bond with siblings so yeah..
im putting in effort, who else do i have beside my family right? :D

then after makan, she go meet boyfriend :D
i go and jalan-jalan plus shopping all alone, cekik darah betulnye adik
once i was done, i waited for her to go home together
must jaga her pantat la, cos everyday she come home late aje..
mum bising about that so i must cover for her
tsk tsk tsk* :P

2009-07-15T12:48:00.001+08:00

i need to breathe too.. i am nobody's slave and i love it that way.
you want me to give my all in the project, i will..
just as long as family commitments doesnt surfaces as my main priority

i hate it when i get ordered around to finish a project
when the one thats ordering me, doesnt fulfill his/her own parts either..
i work at my own pace and i always get my things completed
without the need of anyone reminding me..
the more somebody barks at me to get things done, the more i feel unmotivated

within this group, nobody appointed anyone as a leader,
so i understand that we are of the same par therefore we should seek help
not boss the each other around.. am i right?
and if you seek somebody's opinion, yet you argue your way through..
just so the brochure layout goes according to your choice
then, whats the whole point of discussion?
you just made her tired for coming over then you piss her off..

this is a group project and i know i couldnt make it since i had priorities
i dont lead a simple life,i have siblings to take care of
i hardly meet my bf for that matter cos we are both so busy with commitments!
im no longer hitting the gym after school cos of projects..
yet this is what i get for a simple request of pictures? is this how it is?

you expect me to get the brochures done by thursday
when i dont have ANY of the pictures to input for the brochure..
you had sunday, monday and tuesday to send them to me
but to my dismay, i had to go calling you up so you would send them..
unfortunately, it wasnt send therefore the brochure couldnt be completed yesterday

yet you went over to report to mr henry about this
and not informing him that you didnt send the pictures over..
before the whole project began, you said if we had problems we settle as a group
yet in front of me, you never said anything bad..
but behind me, there's so much story circulating about my commitment

i think its pretty childish to slam you own group mates behind their backs
this isnt the only project that has you trying to take charge of..
i am just tired of you ordering me around, i dont she her doing that to me at all..
if i cant get the pictures by today, god knows when im even able to start
with the whole layout.. budget? dont even get me started.

*september holidays, im gonna go off for a vacation away from this pressure!
my health's deteriorating.. ): so little time to finish up so many things
and people in this whole are getting almost senseless
or less understanding or purely inconsiderate of how busy other people are
you need to understand, you're not the only one who's busy..

throw yourself in my shoes, with my emotions and perspective, see how it goes..
being the eldest in the family and having everyone depending on you
no matter how packed your schedule already is..
it isnt a very simple laidback life at all!
if it goes to the extend that my prayers time gets compromised,
i am so gonna become insane!

2009-07-15T01:39:00.001+08:00

Breakdown or Breakup?
choose one (:

thanks sugar for helping me out with the brochure
though you were exhausted from work..

2009-07-11T14:39:00.004+08:00

the song, says it all (:

2009-07-10T23:15:00.003+08:00

imydsy ):

2009-07-09T23:55:00.002+08:00

just keep reading my thoughts (:

2009-07-05T14:11:00.001+08:00

fall in and out of love is tiring than doing 5 sets of 30 squats with a barbell..
each time a relations ends, you just feel free again
until another 'mr perfect' comes along and sweeps you off your feet..
and the whole dramatic sequel continues yet again.

here i am once again, tryna believe that love is just another facade of injustice
but i cant, cos i know the epidermis of love is always blissful
and its gets sour once the layers are peeled one after the other.. right?
what exactly is love?i cant get a sense of equanimity..

i can have as many guys as i want as my boyfriend, anyone could..
but how could you possibly fall in love with someone over a short time
like you two have just got attached and you said that you're madly in love with him
and within months, you split up and you cry buckets for days
then you found another and said its love. it goes on and on, never ending..

so how do you define love? is it just a saying or is it for reality?
im gonna leave the question for everyone to ponder..
i know cousin etty understands what i mean, we've gone through problems
that people our ages usually doesnt.. unfortunate soul.

Je t'aime, mon ange.. Tu es mon plus beau souvenir. On peut se revoir? Oui, je me souviendrai de vous toujours.. xoxo,

2009-06-30T03:16:00.002+08:00

for some inexplicable reason, when your voice rings through my body, my deepest
emotion engorges and vacillates with the overwhelming essence of loneliness.
and such a urge amounts from wishing to be where you are,
because nothing else seems to matter, seems to compliment and waver with
the emotion i never thought i could have known,
that only you have manged to evoke.

and this seems to be the only explanation i can offer up
as to why i quiver and shake in my solitude, and in the presence of
the very thought of you.. you introduced yourself by your name,
i would never want to enjoy anything more about you, than what you offer up
to me personally, simply because thats how my ideals manifest.
i tried to flatter something more, and not only was i put out of character,
but to this day, i think you took it the wrong way.
which is why, again, i can never say what i'd like to say,
and this time, i dont think so much that this 'fate' will work in my favor.

you may be the first thing in years that ive wanted but couldnt have.
sometimes my spine is too weak to hold my bashful and timid head upon my shoulders,
just to say the things i feel, for fear of something completely unknown.
you do to me without even a single ounce of effort what hundreds have tried,
and failed before they could even have a chance to start.

i will mourn the day i met you, the day you told me your name.
and i will mourn the day i met you,
when you showed me something im sure you didnt mean to.
i will mourn that day, because i know what i never would have even dreamed
of knowing, and now when i hear your voice, you knock down my walls
so elegantly built, and understanding engulfs my knowledge that there is something
better than solitude, and with that comes the regret.
ignorance has always been my bliss, and i had always understood that i couldnt
desire something i didnt know or understand, and now i know, and now my body aches.
and solitude has always been my company.
keeping me quiet and sane.
solitude has always fortified my mind, and now, youve left it susceptible.

and now, all i can say is that its such a sad thing that
im such an awkward being for a match to my ideas and thoughts i could never find,
but so docile am i that i could never admit to it,
never approach you and everything you think,
and everything that i am that i see in you.. ive missed you, 22062009.

2009-06-26T15:47:00.000+08:00

we were never met to be better, we were never meant to be at all.
nothing is meant for anything, and to think,
that by some paradox of our emotion we were above natural laws
and actually in the realm of fate.
i dont know whats love is, i dont know how its supposed to be,
but my guess is that its a variation of interpretation.

i told you not to make me your everything,
and that no one should ever mean that much to a person.
i was right, ive always known i was right,
and it breaks my heart when you dont listen. i guess this all
because you dont listen, but im not really one to point the finger.
i could do better; i could do better.
im so disgusted with all that ive turned out to be,
i cant even believe my sobriety has seen me through all of this.
or that i decided this without any extra essence of inebriation at all,
but only my faux pas, that i should decide to partake
in such a thing i didnt hold any belief to.

youre the greatest thing a person could hope for.
the greatest thing any girl could ever ask for. only im not any girl.
im not like most girls at all, and what made me seem so by any means is
what effect all this had on me.
im not meant to be hoarded or held or belonging to anyone but myself.
insurgent by fault, and i dont take kindly to anyone's expectations or obligations.
and so maybe its my fault, but my fingers arent pointing.

only fools can love and lose. and we may be fools. we may be young.
we may love, or think we love, but im hoping we never lose.
i would never like to say ive lost such a wonderful thing.
i may let you go, i may push you away, but i would be so ashamed to lose some one
so beautiful in every little way. i hope i never have to leave you at all.
i never wanted to be a teenage tragedy.
i never wanted to be a cliche story. i never wanted to.
and all i can say is from now on, im going to listen to my mind, again.
i gave my emotion a chance, and nothing good seems to have come of it.

2009-06-11T15:10:00.000+08:00

picking myself up from the problems surrounding me..
well, at least dad took me out to get me a new trainer for gym (:
the only two guys i can count on, is prolly only my dad and younger brother
anyway, i didnt get the initial shoe that ive been yearning for
just because its isnt so comfortable for my feet..

so i settled for this instead (:
there's this other pair of adidas that ive sworn about wearing to school
but than, i was afraid it might get dirty cos poeple step on it ):
i bought this sometime back together with sugar at Isetan, Wisma..

i simply love the green and the little flowery designs..
oh well, ive completed my final book for these past two weeks (:
finally! but its all worth it cos im inspired about the contents of the book
i wont share much but here are the pictures of the books..
just in case you're keen about purchasing, just beep me.. i can lend it(:

this is definitely enriching, really? any men interested in reading this? (:the rest of the books are mainly for boosting my EQ and IQ..this is the EGONOMICS book that ive mentioned in my past post..

a picture of my comfortable plushies on my bed (:
well, gotta get back to lessons now.. hirman is like in front of me
he's listening to those 80's kinda song.. emo~*
take care everyone!

2009-06-07T08:08:00.002+08:00

the breakup was probably the best way to end everything..
all these while, i suppose, i just mean nothing.
maybe im just the pain that comes along with that tight slap
the pain that wont last for long but the memory of it will last a lifetime

guess, i was right. i am just a punching bag, vent all anger on me
i wont feel the pain cos im meant to be a puppet..
a simple question, led to a tiff before getting a bruised and torn lip..
gotta face the school with these scars again.

once was never sufficient though i said that you could hit me..
i had to let you do that, to make me realise that i wasnt worth your time
all the troubles ive caused the past almost 2 years..
i was a deficit to your wonderful life
was never good, wealthy, beautiful or perfect enough to be with you
i cant even cook the maggi the way you love it..

the simplest thing like that, i cant fulfill.. what about a lifetime?
maybe i should be like cik rose or nek haji, be alone and not get hitched..
am destined to be that way, i cant satisfy anyone.
yesterday night was the last night that i could ever held you so close
that was prolly the only present i got while watching haunting in connecticut

after that, its all but memories of what we've had..
i dont have anything to hold on to, no more pictures of the two of us..
no more pictures of all the laughter we've had..
all gone, emptied out just within a faulty SanDisk thumbdrive..

just maybe after your whole ordeal, we might reconcile..
just perhaps. or maybe we would be total strangers, i wont know..
i shouldnt wait on you any longer, you keep doing things to make me hate you
so i must leave, and obey this last request.. thank you.

thank you for teaching me so much within this past years..
thanks for showing me what love and closeness meant..
thank you for all the gifts you kept showering though i said no..
thanks for sending, fetching and accompanying me to many places..
thank you for meeting me though you're tired from work..
if im ever gonna continue, i dont think i have enough space to mention
all the Thank You's that you deserve from me..

just this time, since im gone, i want your family to be more important to you
the next time you were to find your soulmate,
please put her after your family, maybe that way it wont end up like this
i gotta respect your decision, i know it'll be hard..
but ive got no choice, no more..

whatever future lies ahead of you..
just remember, i'll support your every wise decision
whether we are still friends or just total strangers, i have just a request
to never forget me, us and the times we've had..
thats most probably the least i could ask for
thank you for all that you've sacrificed.. god bless~*

2009-06-05T20:05:00.001+08:00

Worst Birthday Ever
it was definitely memorable, thank you~*

2009-05-30T02:20:00.001+08:00

i know, i know, i know...
am so deeply sorry over the fact that i havent been updating
cmon, ive got tons of things to do alright?
please understand, loves, i'll update when i deem its appropriate ok?
do smile, i still love you people (:

okay, so life has been about exercising and more exercising
Mondays to Fridays, 1600 to 1800 in the gym..
if not im crashing the desktop with all my projects, unfortunately
there's tourism, office administration and event management

about my group members, there's nothing much to say..
everyone has their own flaws right? (: so i just gotta make do
i know everybody is so kaypo on how my relationship is going, sorry people
aint telling, its getting too personal to even blog about
but certainly, i am well.. emotional?- NOT! but other factors, im cool

im totally stuck on this book called EGONOMICS by Marcum & Smith
seriously, i recommend everyone to go purchase it & READ IT WELL, okay?
it teaches you a lot on how to cope with egocentrics around you
basically, it teaches a lot too about self control & being patient with people

i havent got much to say other than.. im gonna continue reading that book
the Japanese books that i got from razak, thanks boy!(:
the Spanish books from the library, revise for tourism CA this Thursday
contemplating my birthday, etc..

overall, i miss my two besties though they're no longer around
hope you two are blessed, nadiah and aminnuddin, amin.
okay people, goodnight!(:
what i meant was good early morning.. hehe~*

2009-05-17T09:28:00.002+08:00

maybe he hasnt moved on yet.. prolly making use of someone.
chloe lee, lala_hawaii@msn.com from woodlands.. wonder who is she?
my assumptions were rather correct i think(=

he still wants a life full of ecstasy, i suppose..
clubbing, drinking, eating non halal food like there's no tomorrow
not thinking about repenting. too bad i cant leave up to that expectations..
i wonder whats he really up to, hmm..

you see, there's 24hours a day right? im not that dumb to not know..
but somehow he can only sms early in the morning,
what would common sense make you decipher?
i mean like, you've got morning afternoon evening and night..
but you only sms or reply to sms in the wee mornings

nobody would sleep the entire day without waking up for a short moment
its kinda like basic human thing, an idiot would know that too..
if its games you wanna play, im all geared up (:

i dont wanna be smbody's punching bag or puppy or whatever
respect, thats the least i could ask for..
but if i gotta beg for respect, then it isnt worth any of my efforts..

idk, you tell me what do you want. im tired of making choices
then end up getting disappointed when the promises made kept getting broken..
how long can this go on? can i have a proper TRUTH explanation?
seriously, its eating up my soul tremendously..

2009-05-16T09:38:00.000+08:00

you know what kak etty and kak eqyn?
thank you for being my support this past month..
i know i make crazy decisions and some of your advice werent taken
sorry about that, but i messed up..

anyway, i guess there's no point hoping and wishing for him..
wanna know why? cos he's moved on. fast? yeah i know, guess he wanted it
he didnt msg to clarify nor call or did anything at all..
ive still got a whole lot of his items lying all over my bedroom

guess he prolly would have already sold the bike..
promises werent always kept, i must say.
said its mine, then its not, then its mine again & that i shouldnt sell it
but now, its with him and he's selling it to me if i want it
i cant just take it home cos its no longer mine..

dover graduation with raudhah and suelyana had been fun..
free food, free drinks, free money, walking for hours, falling asleep behind the stage
tuesday to thursday in dover. crystal, thanks for being a bubbly companion
we all have problems sweety, we'll pull through somehow..

the adults from the community centre have been a great..
im immersing myself with so many service & i took up french lesson!(=
once im done, im gonna take german & italian.. japanese?
well, maybe if i can stop thinking of how perfect his ex girlfriend was.. ):

perhaps that was why i always felt insecure, i was never comparable to her..
though ive never seen her face or even her picture at all..
him calling her hot, his mum saying she looks like a model, etc..
my morale went down with every praises about her..

another think, i cant get fat! oh good gracious, i cant gain weight..
thats prolly another reason to why he quit entertaining me,
im obsessed with losing weight & going all leaned up which he doesnt like..
you see, i dont wanna be fat & end up feeling terrible about myself..
im a bloody 56kg for a 160cm.. thats close to being over weight!!

he didnt understand my insecurity when he tells me im not fat
then within seconds/minutes, a hot babe walks pass & he's checking her out..
i mean, whats that all about dude? make up your mind.
when i say i wanna be almost the same size as that hot babe..
he'll give me that 'oh please, not again' kinda look.

is it so wrong to be slimmer so that you'll feel more happier with yourself
and also boost the image of your partner? i mean you wouldnt want your buddies saying
'hey, how could someone like you fall for sucha rhino?'
i dont want that, thats why im preventing instead it becomes an argument..

hmm.. now, he's friendster status is single.. changed his shoutout.
i was going through my hotmail contacts when i saw his msn profile with new girls
added into his network, idk what the hell his doing anymore
idk if the recent sms he sent were true cos he never didnt even clarify
playing squash has been a way to release all the emotions..

the counselling sessions hasnt help, i blame the doctor..
she said im too young to have gone through depression twice within 5years
ok doc, im seeking advice not some lecture ok?

finally, dad's agreed to let me go on a vacation of my choice during the holidays
but i havent got a companion to go with.. i hate scouting for people
maybe i'll go alone to a resort in a nearby country..
i dont know, what do you think readers?
sms me some location ideas ya? (;

with love, dee-.

2009-05-08T22:22:00.003+08:00

i just wish he knew how im feeling at this moment..
i really want him to know it so badly but i dont know if he still cared
im crying my life away since monday and it hasnt been easy
the pressure from projects, the lost of him from my life,
i dont have anything right now..

i want that somebody who i thought had loved me all along..
i need him back in my life but i cant seem to push aside all the hurt im getting..
i really just need him back, it feels like ive made the worst wrong decision ever in my life..
i dont want this, i never wanted this to happen.
i just wanted some time to get myself out of the depression that im facing.
i need treatment, but nobody's hearing me..

im screaming and crying to sleep every night to wake up with no more morning msgs..
to live through monday til now without a single call from him..
its like as if, he really wanted it to be this way too.
i just wanna hear that comfort in his voice saying im gonna be alright..
that no matter what he still loves me and is always gonna support me through whatever..

now, he's negotiating money with me! im hurt. im beyond depressed!-
i dont want that bike to be sold, i want it for myself.
please just dont sell it, it mine. its mine somehow.. i will pay.
gimme time, please. i promise i'll pay.. please..
i sound stupid right now, i dont care if anyone says i do..

i just dont want it to be sold, i love that bike.. i love everything about it.
its like my retreat from the problems i have..
if you're gonna take that away too, i have nothing..
i have nothing anymore.
i dont have you, i dont have that bike, ive got no life to carry on by..

just please, please.. i need help. help me out.
i dont wanna lose anything else right now.. i dont know what to do anymore.
im typing and crying and i dont know if im repeating the same things again..
my brain isnt functioning right.. im starting to hyperventilate.
oh god, please what do i do? please. just please.

2009-05-03T23:47:00.002+08:00

have you ever reached a point in your life,
where you know you gotta make a lot of changes..
to make your life more enriching?
ive reached mine, at least thats what i feel like right now..

have you been in a situation where your mind
and your heart contradicts each other?
im going through that right now and somehow i feel like..
im more of a 'heart' person, i let my emotions run faster than my mind
until i dont realise whats gonna happen to me
for being to kind and compliant to some many individuals
who seem to take my generosity for granted..

i gotta make some changes in my life for my personal growth
i wanna be successful in my life and i dont need anyone who isnt supportive
i want someone who is willing to understand my situation
as much as i am willing to put up with his..

kept feeling like im deprived from my teenage years due to unnecessary commitments
i have to put those wrong choices behind and pick myself back up, slowly
focus on my education, make in to polytechnic with a scholarship
i think im going off track lately..

i dont need a relationship if its gonna pull me down,
i dont need fake friendship cos i have proper trustworthy friends to begin with
i dont need boys, guys, jerks or men to keep me happy..
i can do it on my own unless they are willing to stay and accept me as i am

i wanna be that successful somebody who would stoop over all those pest
and say, "hey, at least ive made a mark in my life and be somebody. have you?"
i know it sounds egoistical and mean, but who cares?
if i become successful, its gonna be my own hard work anyway
i dont sell myself to reach a mark in any place.. my pride isnt worth trading.

i want this to be clear, if you're gonna befriend me
for the sake of making use of me or to hurt my pride or whatsoever
please, dont try. i can be nasty when i want to and when i choose to be..
if you ever test my patience and you'll hate me for it..
to those who are or have simply taken me for granted, no worries..
god has his ways, retribution will definitely come upon you
i dont need your sympathy, i am no charity box

thank you, have a good night.
besties, sorry if my post sound harsh.. i just had enuff rubbish.
kak etty and kak eqyn, i know you are always supporting me with my choices
kak zyzy, though we arent close.. i appreciate you comforting me..
to 3Ds, i guess i really have meant nothing all along ):

2009-04-15T23:58:00.001+08:00

was drained since the first day since school commenced..
so today was the final day of orientation (:

we had games today, so everything was great.
btw, do i look skinny? i kept getting commented abt my figure!
omg! thats bad to hear, i wanna look lean not skinny.

got our class (ramapriya&me), gather them & head out for games..
it was great cos the FT Dprt knew me for awhile now
they're were surely a great bunch of people, i love you guys!

first station was tug of war!
here were the station heroes, Cheng and [insertname]
Winson? he was an extra who came running into the picture =P
my class unfortunately lost twice to Nanis class..
but hey! our spirits were still up. ive never seen a more bonded class
like MINE! maybe cos they were all progression students(:
still, i love them to bits! it was easy to work with them, no problems-

after this photo was taken, it began to drizzle..
so the FT Dprt had a backup plan, aerobics in MPH! argh.
the students were cursing & swearing but they cant leave the MPH
thanks to the SC Bouncers.. rmbr guys, 250409!

when they were released for lunch, we SC had spot checks..
and i met my lil sis, Haz & bf, Farihin.
Izzuddin was irritating, he gave me a ice-filled bomb bag!!
guess what i did? i dropped it. pfft.

got to hangout with my lesbian daughter in the canteen..
this khai was so insistent on me going to the gym
sorry, i had to attend a statement.

anyway, after lunch we cont with the cheer practice
before they start the competition..
i learnt that Cheng could beatbox while Nanip breaks some moves..
and Wan Faris, i want that Sexy Momma song man!

my supermodels-wannabe!(: you both cheer my day, everyday!

we had the cheer and tshirt competition
everyone was kinda tired by then but we all had so much fun..
i made many companions.. oh yes, Nanip!
that monkey is in my school! omg, our new JoJo Dancer..

okay, i gotta go and rest now.
am so exhausted til bits.. tomorrow, a proper school day!
dammit.

i miss smbody, but he doesnt seem to care..

2009-04-10T11:13:00.000+08:00

ive been spending my past few days with sugar,
thats prolly the least i could do before the start of the term..
have not been in my best mood due to all the underlying controversies

met sugar after work on tue to get the phone repaired,
walked around for awhile before heading to his place to spend the night
met sugar on wed to walk around j.point..
it felt kinda awkward goin home without him beside me ):
collected the phone yesterday, bought shoes, cookies, had dinner
yet a lot of things seemed out of place

the conversation we had about our future on wednesday,
was indeed overwhelming but somehow..
how certain am i? will it really turn out that way..

migration? to where?-
starting a family, overseas? it wouldnt be easy to manage
a career? god knows how hard it is right now..
my education? how? possible?

him migrating first before i join him after my education
but for how long? long distance relationship is filled with obstacles..
far more than whatever we're faced with now
can we ever pull through those times?

we'll talk again once the ordeal is over.
god knows what im feeling..

2009-04-06T19:21:00.002+08:00

ive realised something about some people, they're plain nuisance.
theyve caused you so much trouble and pain,
yet when they need favours they start searching for you..
what a die-hard hypocrite!

why cant they be truthful to themselves?
saying you hate someone, badmouthed them then you suck up to them?
if you think you're oh-so-perfect, prove it!
stop yapping rubbish without any rhyme nor reasons, oh please.
get a life! what goes around comes around.

my life got better without you people..
you only were around to pull me down! sorry, your chances are up.
appreciation given only to those who are deserving,
not a bunch of trampy individuals who talks no sense all the time

thank you for making me strong with your harsh words
it has only made me stronger & more mature
my life wont be messed up by filthy mouths of worthless people..
retribution.

2009-04-04T01:01:00.001+08:00

ya allah, i feel so helpless..
please bring blessings upon baby right now
im enveloped with guilt for causing him tremendous trouble
baby, please gimme a call soon. im worried.
i love you dearly.
amin.

2009-04-03T16:06:00.002+08:00

today's meeting was interesting(:
introduction to our January intake SC members,
discuss overall program for the upcoming April Orientation

Oska gave briefing on the 3rd day games since Din was in Bangkok
that crazy guy made jokes that cracked us up real good..
so total we have 11 games & alternate games in case it rains or something
they even gave us guidelines & a dry run of the games!(:

wasnt a bad meeting so i'll just rest awhile at home
hmm.. perhaps until baby comes by to have dinner over at my place
sucha sweetheart, idk when he'll ever be tired..
anyways, have a good day ahead!

2009-04-01T13:10:00.001+08:00

very disappointed, i cant eat nor rest well..
cant get thru to him, his phone line is engaged since 8am.
oh well, happy april's fool day then. pfft.

2009-03-10T21:56:00.006+08:00

well.
finally is term break, i did my utmost best..
hopefully all the revisions paid off for this past semester

tnpc.
- received a letter but everything else went well.
clear of any accusations and im elated!

all these projects, assignments, exams and revisions have made me exhausted
now, i can have a least a couple of weeks of immense mental solitude
lost 3kg over a month! thanks a motivation, i suppose(:
spending more time by myself, more sleep and rest, more calmness

getting sleep from 3pm to almost 7pm just now was a treat after a harsh 2009
oh, ive been doing cross stitches and wooden sculptures lately
glad with the outcome, gonna get more to occuppy my self contenment

i cant find my dinosaurs that i made 14yrs ago..
must be somewhere in bros bedroom cupboard, hmm.. i do hope so =X
so this is addition to the dinosaurs(:

gorgeous butterfly.dolphin!i love this mammaladorable little squirrel.the trios(:
cross stitches(: its been my hobby since i was almost 4yrs old..

okay, ive decided to eat cos im starving..
im gonna watch Van Helsing before i head to bed
am so looking forward to lunch with the class later tomorrow!((:
goodnight everyone, happy holidays!

2009-03-03T15:51:00.000+08:00

its been 3weeks! my condition hasnt improved..
didnt go to school again bcos of the fever, had to call in sick.
kept waking up in the middle of the night, coughing
headache, fainting spells, vomiting, flu..

disgusting! i cant focus on my revisions for exams..
my surroundings isnt helping, just adding on to the pain!
what i need is plenty of rest from this discriminating society
nvm, holidays better come sooner. i need time ALONE.

2009-02-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

dont question me why.. i havent got a clue.
i simply dislike the idea of you working so late into the night
please, ive got no idea why im feeling this way
who's that police person contacting you just past midnight?
havent she got anything better to do?!
i am entirely uncomfortable!

2009-01-27T22:24:00.001+08:00

spending Saturday evening til Sunday morning,
Sunday afternoon til Sunday night,
Monday afternoon til Tuesday night with sugar..
was great feeling but omg! now i cant fall asleep without him

i could actually but it'll take longer & i'll end up
consistently getting disturbed by those unearthly beings..
around 2plus on Monday morning, something disturbed my family
something scared my mum in the kitchen
& something kept scratching at my bedroom window!

anyway, scrap that to one side.. irritant!
spent my Saturday at Arnold's in City Plaza for dinner..
the eatery was so packed when we came & the number then was 164
we got 177 so we decided to purchase some VCDs..
bought a couple of them & 'Oh Baby' the show sister wanna watch

when we came back up, thankfully it just changed to 177..
sugar order his half spring chicken & sotong rings
while i ordered a bowl of mashed potatoes & criss cross fries(:
dinner was funny cos we were talking about 4'Sumo'..

Sunday afternoon, sugar helped dad with the new M
apparently, yanti&jalil bought a new M too!
sugar is unfortunately our dearest Jack of All Trade..
haha! sent sister off for religious class before heading to his place..
ate nasi briyani ayam & karaoke for a short while..
after that, we went to cycle in town but the drizzle scare us

dinner at Swensens & cycle around for awhile..
taught me how to jump off some steps near SMU but i sucked at it
not being able to succeed feels disgusting somehow, i hate it!
tried again & again till i was nearly outta breath & i hurt my ankle again!
but its okay, ive tried & not gonna give up til i succeed.

we cycled to Plaza Singapura, he bought Ice Lemon Tea & Strawberry Lolli
thanks baby!(: we cont cycling back.. guess what?!
a damn bloody bird dropped its shit on the cover of the drink!
he sent me home for a nights rest.. we had sucha long conversation
about our relationship & how are we progressing so far..

Monday afternoon was suppose to head to Sentosa but plan cancelled
so just came over his place to karaoke & watch movies instead..
hmm, cook samba prawn to eat with bread, rice & fish
thats about how ive spent my days. staying out but not wasting money(:

school starts tomorrow so thats where the stress builds up again
at least im done with my part of the project so i can relax
Mrs Soon has been an inspiring soul to me,
thanks for seeing me as your personal role model(:
i truly appreciate that compliment & i shall not disappoint you!

hoped everyone enjoyed their celebrations this CNY..
i sure did, having a supportive & wonderful family & boyfriend,
what more could i possibly have asked?(:

2009-01-24T13:25:00.001+08:00

came across two articles on the web while doing research on my POM project
so i thought i should share it with everyone
first & foremost, i'll like to apologise if anyone finds it insulting..

its about younger ladies dating older man actually
the web states, " all men become vain as they age especially,
if they are physically fit and look much younger
this vanity leads them to think that they can attract younger women

what sort of relationship, this older man - younger woman could possibly have?
is this older man into rap and hip-hop music?
what about understanding politics, world affairs, arts and sciences?
could this very young girl have that amount of sophistication in her world?
how about going out and dancing and partying all night?
do you think this older man could really keep up just cause he looks fit?

ok, lets say this 25 years old guy does connect with a lover
who is in her late teens, assuming that they've gotten into a relationship
this young lady loves her older man but is she completely happy?
we are pretty sure, he is. he's gotten his "boy-toy".
but is she getting what she needs or is she missing something in her life?
this young woman is probably missing many of the activities
and adventures in life that her age group is just beginning to experience.

so, whats the compensation for this missing part of her life?
just think about it. do you think she's a gold digger?
i think not, its more of a child wanting things for "daddy" to provide,
especially since she is not around her peers, she fills the void.
men, be realistic. quit looking for a child. realize this,
if you still want a "girl", be prepared to be her "sugar daddy".
you and your lover should enjoy your fairy tale relationship.. while it lasts."

kinda harsh, dont you think? haiz.. here's another one.
im posting to fill up my boredom & to ignore all the stress im facing..

"Sugar Daddy Sugar Baby relationship has for many years
been regarded as a source of amusement to those who've never experienced it.
Yes, everyone loves to be spoiled and pampered,
but is it necessary to include the age gap as part of the package?

It's true to say that many young men, on reaching the age in their lives
when pubescence takes control of their lateral thinking,
find themselves fantasizing about older females, often twice their own age.
For instance it's quite common for young men still at school age,
with testosterone flying everywhere, to have the 'hots' for one or more
of their female teachers or even neighbor's wife..

The consensus of opinion reached by many is that the attraction by a young male
to a more mature woman is based around the fact that she has experience..
A working knowledge of the male anatomy, and a sexual prowess
not to be discovered so easily in a younger woman his own age or so to say.

However, as the young male grows older, and gains his own level of experience,
so his desire for the mature female wanes, and on reaching middle age,
will frequently have his head 'turned' by a much younger woman.

All this is in stark contrast to the attraction patterns noted
in the life of the female of the species.
Whereas the young girl, on first becoming sexually aware,
will hone her intimacy skills on the younger male, but she will often be less
interested in him as she gets older, turning her attention
to the more mature men that cross her path. But why is this the case?

whilst oftentimes the source of amusement for some, can in fact develop
into quite a powerful relationship, with loyalty, romance and chivalry being the
key factors in the union. Many women note that a guy around her own age or younger,
will not show her the same level of respect or pay as much attention to details
that his older counterpart will be inclined to display.

Its a valid point that women are more mature than men at any given age,
and its not surprising that by the time she reaches her thirties,
she already feels more compatible with a male ten or twenty years her senior
and left guys her own age, far behind both mentally and emotionally.
Her more mature partner is more equipped to seduce her mind as well as her body.

He will be less afraid of displaying public affection, holding her hand
or opening doors for her. Happy to allow the whole world see how proud he is
to have a younger women and be by her side always.

Sexually, he may not be an athlete between the sheets,
yet he will feel the need to ensure his girl is pleasured well
as a priority over seeking to satisfy his own desires.
In the case of her older guy, the foreplay will begin in the restaurant
with witty flirting, eye contact and laughter.
Later they will enjoy the afterglow together, passion may have subsided
but the emotion still very much alive.

Is it so inconceivable then, that a younger woman could find happiness
in a relationship with an older guy who has so much more
to offer her than money and gifts? Decide for yourself women out there.."

okay, those two topic. kinda hinting on my life though..
somehow, i hate it when guys buys me gifts.
i would prefer if he made it specially for me, a surprise would be great!
idk whats your take, dear readers..

wouldnt know if i might fall into such trap, life's uncertain
have a happy long weekend everyone!

2009-01-24T02:35:00.011+08:00

mum's birthday celebration was hilarious..
she wanted dinner at Bali Thai so we headed to IMM
dearest was supposed to me us there, instead he came over my place
when we just left the carpark to head to the destination..

carpark was terrible at IMM, huge but not enuff to accommodate the vehicles
anyway, dearest reached soon after we did..

bro & sis cracking stupid jokes. pfft-my crazy yet understanding family(:Bali Thai was so packed like when i had my birthday dinner 2yrs ago
we ordered a lot of food.. too much i think!

6plain rice, 1 fried rice, 2egg tofu, 2sambal sotong, 1seafood hotplate,
1sweet sour fried fish, 1bbq chicken, 5chicken satay, 2coke,
2hot honey lemon, 1lemon barley, 1dracula(strawberry flavoured).. a lot!

sister aka cacat girl :Pour birthday girl! you're 44 now.. old!dearest dad whose stoning..brother who hates taking pictures.. gendeng!dinner was noisy.. at first we were all noisy tryna arrange the food
cos the table was alrdy filled up with the orders..
throughout dinner, we ate & joke about..
until we head a group of chinese people laughing so loud!

we decided to imitate their laughter & dad being crazy self,
kept imitating.. making all of us laugh like mad.
than he started with his disgusting jokes again & dearest join in like usual!
omg! you cant imagine how funny its was cos we kept laughing
till our tummy contracted & it was so hard to eat..

next came the farting joke, the Bali Thai's uniform joke, prata man joke
& finally about packing the leftovers.. gosh!
by the time dinner ended, it was past 9:52pm & we had another destination
to CASH STUDIO to karaoke(=

dearest had booked the time slot for 11pm..
so sent bro home cos he wanted to sleep, what a waste!
parents joined dearest car & off to Cuppage Plaza to karaoke..
Cuppage Plaza & me had so many history together(:

parked at Emerald Hill again, aww.. looks more alluring at night..
walked to Cuppage Plaza & down to basement one..
while waiting, saw cino & wish i'd ask him for my money that he owed
got our room, new place so the maintenance wasnt so well

sang songs & our hearts out till 2am.. dad made stupid scenes again!
he was singing & he kept opening the door asking people to hear him sing..
omg! he did that many times that it shocked some passerby.. lmao!

so this picture was before he opened the door..thats how he looked like after he did!omg.i was tryna take a nice & decent photograph of him
but it ended up so terrible like this!sister was exhausted by then since she had school activities..
furthermore, the elbow pain was killing her..i got bored waiting for my turn to sing my heart out..disturbing him while he's singing some melayu song:Psugar, stop acting all macho k?got bored so kept snapping pictures(:around 2plus after dearest left, i saw zyla!(:
its been a while since we've last met & she asked me if i still club..
apparently i cant anymore so chat with her for short while
& now we're home & very exhausted. nights-

2009-01-23T06:47:00.003+08:00

guess you've been reading my blog often huh?
i know i said many times that my life would be much better
probably im not totally right on that part, right?

i wont wanna ponder how life would be like if i had migrated
a whole new circles of companion with different lifestyle & background
ive prolly would have already graduated from college

i hate reminiscing the old times.. i wanna move away from those
the time when i kept grieving over so many loss..
hate it so much, i wish i could have it all back & mend things
but ive drifted so far away from my initial goals..

thanks for sending over these cupcakes,
its getting sweet though(: cut down on those sugar ya?

lovely, ive eaten 4 & left some for my family to taste
i truly appreciate it. sorry if my blog entries kept you up all night
wondering if im doing fine or am i at the edge of suicide
you're one of the greatest friend i'll ever & always have in my lifetime..
good morning, thanks for everything(=

2009-01-21T23:02:00.003+08:00

school wasnt too bad today since it ended around 12:15
went for Lifeskills to talk to Ms Mahani about the ongoings of the project
i was told that she's upset over my class attitude towards school
had to good talk with her about my group members

anyway, went for Mrs Soon class just for the sake of attendance..
before we set off to Labrador Park for the leadership training activities
those present were students from the admin department
well only the selected few were there, the rest had to attend lessons(:

the facilitators were okay, i found 2 who were my age..
Yan & girlfriend, Q! okay, activities were really mind boggling
some games were pipeline, tyre & pipe, blindfold, overturn the mat, etc
overall, it was interesting & very tiring..
my group members were great & we're called "Y So Serious?"

know why? cos all teams will be stress doing the games
so we will play it cool yet beat all of them (which we did in some)
activities were ceased by 4:50, fill up feedback forms
& back to transport to school (=

sue, liha & me meeting boyfriend, tammy got training, joelle working
amy was alrdy in school so sue when off early then sugar came
we went to bukit timah carpark to have our meal he brought from home
yummy yummy ayam lemak chilli padi(=

guess what we saw while eating in the car. MONKEYS!
this monkey & child was on my left..this bunch was on my right, playing catchingnext, they decided to scratch each others buttthis fella was climbing down the car strategically(=gosh, it was hilarious looking at them(:
once we were done with mini dinner, we head off to Plaza Singapura
came there to go to Cotton On cos i found out they're having a grand sale
things were really going cheap when i reached there

planned to buy a set but ended up buying more cos i needed to stock up
you know what i mean *wink- we walked around for a while before a proper meal
LongJohnSilver's i miss that place so much cos we had lunch often at IMM
now we're too busy with projects till we've not eaten out..

it was already getting late so we decide to head home..
unfortunately sugar was craving for crabs so we went to newton
ordered the biggest crab! so had chilli crab again like last Saturday
there's this family beside us that was freaking irritating
talking at the top of their lunges, ugh!

so yeah, now im finalising some of the POM project
i still am tryna understand the criteria of the market segmentation
anyway, goodnight.

2009-01-20T22:23:00.001+08:00

Deception.

there's something about him that is puzzling me..
idk what is it actually right now
but i aint gonna stay put till i find out!

2009-01-19T01:20:00.001+08:00

gonna post this just to forget what just happened
okay? here goes nothing..

Saturday, 17th January

firstly, i wished i was living in Emerald Hill.. a historical site in Spore
the houses & area is very unique.. unlike all the terrace & bungalows we see
gonna come back here to take more pictures someday soon..
so i chose this one to be my 'house'.. hehe!

got myself a tank top & blouse from MNG(: on Saturday
colour pink lately cheers up my doleful life!
HE got me a belt from MNG that somehow matched the blouse..

while waiting patiently for my ikan lele & ayam penyet to come..
he snapped a stupid picture of me on the 1st of December..
that ive finally gotten from him after oh so very extremely long.. hmpff.
some other pictures due since 1st December..

Christmas tree & decorations right outside Paragon(:haiz.. good wee, nope, early morning everyone!
kak zyzy, i miss you ):

2009-01-19T00:05:00.002+08:00

im posting this just to vent my anger..
cant believe he just deleted the pictures with my SC members!
gosh, just due to a few pictures.. he deleted everything :(
upset, greatly.. i cant get those pictures back right!
forget totally how to retrieve it, cant find the backup files anywhere..
thats it, probably i'll sleep & lay off the matter.
dammit. irritatingly pissed..

2009-01-16T23:59:00.004+08:00

what a stupid Friday okay?! well, thankfully not the whole day..
i started the day fine probably around 6:30am
woke sugar up for breakfast at McDonald's together with mum & sister(:
kind of a retreat for him after working more than 24hrs straight!
unfortunately, dad was working & bro had to go to school by 7:45am..

after breakfast, he send my mum & sis home before sending me to school
when i was in school, today's lesson was somehow cancelled..
just when Uma & me were about to go into the lift!
upset, called up the rest informing them there isnt lessons today..

sugar made a u-turn to fetch me back home..
goofed around in my house, watched naruto before heading out to Ubi
cos dad needed to beautify the car or something of the sort
reached the place but its only 11plus & the guy would only be around at noon

so we had no choice & went to Geylang for another breakfast!
sugar had mee rebus with loads of chicken & called it appetizer?! omg.
the whole time i was teasing my sis about her injured arm(:
came back to get the car & off to sis school to get her homework..

sugar sent me home to aid my sister.. so i had to miss the SC meeting
as mum had to attend to important matters & dad had to work
by the time mum came back, its past 5pm..
sugar came by to fetch me to go out again to watch the sunset..

we head down to marina square's Swensens for lunch..
i was pretty full at the point of time actually from all the meal
once done, we purchased snacks before noticing Firay working!
went straight to Marina Barrage, so this is how it looks like in the day(:

Marina Barrage

1st picture at Marina Barrage-
the spiral-like slope up to the rooftop(:dont you think it looks kinda dead in the daytime?just promoting my Mondo pumps & splashing around(:us with picnic bag HE just bought from Barrage Cove.. psychedelic!a lift photoshoot, haha! okay, lame.oh, yes me with the dearest Water Wally!we've just reached the rooftop & now..
we're waiting for the sun to set up there in the sky(:a bunch of dufus who simply doesnt know how to fly their kites..
only one guy managed to get his flying way up thereso now, we got a little tired of waiting for the sun to set..finally, its showing some signs of setting!ignore that hand, its fugly & mine. pfft-picnic basket with my heels & his new striking orange skate shoes..sunset shot, lovely scenery..this is where the water drainage is done, urgh eek!there's a couple, probably taking their wedding photo
i simply love the colour of her turquoise dress(:
ok, i did something foolish by tryna get on the block of cement
which was in front of the restaurant with people having their reception
yepp, i finally managed to get on it with sugar's help(:

love the way the picture is taken..
just the two of us with our new companion, picnic bag..
with the nice after sunset backdrop, under the shelter of the bridge..

we left the place to the next destination..
which we werent exactly sure where it might be.. hehe!
sugar was telling me where he went for his overtime the previous day..
somehow, we chance upon this very old & deserted building..
you can take service 400 to the place, im amazed at the whole building
i know it looks kinda gloomy cos its 7plus but nice place(:

after staring at the building & seeing swift movements inside..
i decided i should let it rest cos i didnt wanna see whats lurking in there
after all, its been shut down for quite some time..
while driving, saw another nice location to transit at;

Marina South Pier

this place is so purplish, bluish & colourful.. gosh!
idk what to describe it, simply amazing architectural work & colour..
being all so goo-goo-gaa-gaa over the scenery
i began goofing around while sugar snaps all the insanity..

another great backdrop of a floating restaurant(:
picture of me on the fake grass & him on the fake wood..
*superman tak menjadi sey org tu-last picture here, & of me goofing around
somehow this picture looks like its been copied&paste..anyway, he needed the loo so i gotta get back to the car..
i noticed men get more sleazy as they aged! hmpff.
one was staring at me from the moment i walked from the shop till the car
a moron asked if im free to accompany him to bintan, etc..
freaky so i ran to the car & locked myself in & waited for sugar's return

next destination was;
Vivocity

we came by here solely for photos..
carpark was such an irritant cos its fully packed! grr..
but we didnt have to wait that long after going round in circles
got the carpark & headed to the rooftop!

frankly, its been months since ive last set foot in Vivo..
we've always been going to Plaza Singapura or Cineleisure for movies
yepp, i know we have yet to go on another cycling trip
be patience, we'll do that soon. i suppose-

since its dark, i couldnt tell if there's changes to the rooftop
we took a pic on a red thingy that looked like some sort of a chair
but i like the white holey thing at the background(:

ouh, there's BIG lantern on the rooftop.. hehe!
sucha huge, bright & gorgeous lantern. Chinese New Year!

we didnt know what else to do so we walked around
saw Marche & remembered our vow of eating solely HALAL food..
therefore, we cant have the rosti here anymore..
oh well, its worth the sacrifice than losing my religion right?-

here's the lembu & kid from Marche, aint it fat & delectable?this part, i dont know what was sugar thinking at all..
first he poked the poor fellas ear, haiz..still unsatisfied, sugar poked its nostrils! omg- you meanie.
look at how happy sugar is with the silly things he did..
poor tortured lembu kid.. bad bad evil sugar!
okay, so we're off to send me back home but since my parents werent home
as they're still at dad's company's Karaoke Event, Bishan Clubhouse..
we hangout at the usual place.. crapping around, etc.
okay, im done blogging.. meeting him tomorrow so im gonna sleep.
toddles you dearest readers!(=

2009-01-14T03:15:00.001+08:00

everyone around me, has a partner with a lot of common interest
as for me, its way different. far from all that..
i thought maybe the distance wont be far as the months go by
but i was surely, im deeply mistaken..

im bottling up a whole lot of emotions since school began
all the exhaustion, pain, frustration..
nothing has been going fine for me, its degrading!
projects & presentations coming so soon,
there seem to be more school events this semester..

there's leadership training on 21st jan..
china &/or cambodia trip this june & im up for nominations
class bonding(bowling) by the head of department!
gosh, isnt there a break? a vacation somewhere or something?

haiz.. we've got no common grounds on loads of things
idk whats the next thing i should do
agreeing to things i despise? i cant do that, its wrong.
i dont wanna be misleading him, i just want things proper..

perhaps my expectations are high, extremely..
but i could give&take if you give me a good reasons about it
oh gosh, idk how things are gonna be like soon
hopefully, it wont turn into another pathetic argument!-

2009-01-13T20:53:00.004+08:00

oh, i cant wait for "black valentine" event..
10feb will be the official & finally, we're down to business(=
so many things planned out for it to be a success!
i cant really say it out now, it wont be interesting then..
lets hope it'll be another sure achievement like the Dinner Dance

hmm, today wasnt so bad.. finally sitting in for lesson
but hearing annie's annoying voice at the start of the day is plain etating!
okay, brought the lappie to show sue the cover & content page..
great that she liked it(: didnt manage to discuss cos sue isnt feeling well
liha, i hope everything turns out fine ya? take care gf.

lunch was fun sitting with the boys talking about their silly antics
slightly before BCM was interesting thanks to firay!
he kind like try to jump off the 2nd floor & got us screaming..
it happened just when the 1st yr students was watching, like badot ley!

overall, it happened cos he dropped his keys on the ground floor =P
then wan went down to pass it to him but he kicked it back!
like wth?! but it was hilarious just being there & witnessing the whole scene
so class was fine, school ended at 1:30 instead of 3..

slack at SC room crapping around & playing charades!
i realised smth, ayeesya was drunk from too much wintermelon drink(=
but it was funny cos she was supposed to be high from broccoli-
also we found out from sufian about what veggies does to you *inside joke*

so yeah! now at sugar's house.. envying yanti of the handmade custom jewellery
& wondering why sugar is typing out a rental agreement?-
hahaha.. okay, goodbye.

2009-01-12T22:58:00.001+08:00

due to latecomers, the fair was delayed to 9:30 instead of 9am..
besides that, some of the SC members couldnt make it at the last min
so manpower was reduced AGAIN! unfortunately-

the classes scheduled 1st was OA, OB, OC..
some of the students were wondering why they had to be held back
therefore it became kinda chaotic outside mph
once the event commenced, it was extremely had to control the crowd
since it clashed with the OD, OE, OF..

not only that, there's a talk at the lecture theatre!
its wasnt so stressful when i manage to chat around to spur the crowd..
most were friendly so i find it easy to lure them
besides that, sugar took half day off to meet me for lunch

he came by around 1:30 when i was chatting with kai, blaze camp
went to ayer rajah foodcourt, hor fun plus indian rojak made me full!
by the time i came back, the fair was almost ending(=
helped out for the clearance before the debrief..

while waiting for debrief; me, sufian & boon peng
debrief was full of attacks.. i realised that i wasnt alone
about the fact that a lot of cca's werent informed of the fair..
everyone makes mistakes anyway right?-
sugar waited for me & we went off to his place..

ate & watched kekkaishi till we fell asleep..
haha! so im finaly home right now, gonna shower soon
tomorrow's gonna be a bore )=

2009-01-10T14:45:00.002+08:00

Politics.
does she have to limit my freedom?
ugh, what an evil witch!

2009-01-10T02:09:00.003+08:00

came over to meet sugar after he return from Las Pamas, Spain
wanted to fetch him but didnt get info of his flight no..
oh well, he got me a gorgeous denim dress(=
its kinda impossible to snap a pic cos it wont depict much
you gotta see it for yourself ya? hehe-

he got brother a shirt & sister a jacket which she cant wear..
due to the cast she has over her left arm! haha-
okay, so hangout with him for a while til he fell asleep
when i wanted to go off home.. he began crapping in his dreams!

after he manage to wake up.. he sent me home, chatted with my family
before he sent me off to College East(= what a dear!
meet my SC friends before he set off for a game of bowling with Kit(=

so i had to cater to the audience for the GALA Night! pfft.
thank goodness, i knew most of the guest so i mingle around for a bit.
ushering is sucha tiring job especially in heels!
blah blah blah~ watch the musical again & makan time..

to tell you the truth, its was super hilarious.. we were soo Singaporean!
kiasu. we actually rush about the reception room like little kids
looking for styrofoam containers to pack our food!
yepp, we did it.. haha- embarrassing.
who cares! we had fun(=

we ate a lot.. dinner, reception & not forgetting, PIZZAs!
courtesy of ITE College East Student Councils..
though we were exhausted, the guests brighten up our day(=
all the compliments & smiles warmed my heart..
& all ushers that assisted me, you guys were terrific! thank you so much!

okay, enuff bragging! i gotta get my rest..
going out with love later in the day for movie(=
kinda upset him after the event, im terribly sorry..
i'll be more careful to inform you the next time round ya?
goodnight-

2009-01-09T00:53:00.003+08:00

the arts department, CemTA has yet again done a wonderful job..
Grease the Musical's definitely a success(=

for those who witness it, dont y'all agree with me?
watching it so many times has even made me memorise the script
especially cos im a mega fan of musical & GREASE in itself!
im glad it was spectacular though i was unable to take part

being put in charge of the event was definitely great, i tell you!
im gonna be in charge for the GALA Night later..
frankly, i cant wait.. *gleaming-
pictures of the day with Classmates & Student Councillors(=

Classmates; Me, Sue, Mira, Liha & AllySC members; Atiqah, Sue, Yan, Azura, Elzuan & Meokay, i just came home so i need enuff rest for tomorrow
walking around in heels almost everyday is sucha killer to my ankle!
somehow i wish i had a car or least, a bike as my transport..
darn it! someday soon i suppose. nights-

2009-01-07T22:38:00.004+08:00

yepp, drained out from this orientation..
cant imagine how are we gonna take the April intakes!
thankfully, we approved to come late tmr by aunty jo.. thanks!
a much needed rest from all the hustle bustle.

manage to chat with sweetheart for a while..
great to hear that he'll be back this friday but i cant fetch him!
i gotta attend the GALA Night event at College East.
probably meet him after the whole event ends

gonna cook for brother since mum & dad in hospital accompanying sister
finally had her ops & she's awake from the anaesthetic..
hopefully she'll recover soon. its her 1st year in sec sch, gotta catch up!

to class OA, thanks guys for not retaliating with me during the orientation
i must admit that its hard to control a bunch of strangers
but im glad i was in charge of your class(=
hopefully, you guys will manage to bond well within this semester ya?
all the best for your achievements!

this is the 'sporting students' of OA:
representing; (forgot her name), shierah, lydia, muz, zamanmrs seetoh, thanks for being patient with the way i handled your students
though some went missing halfway through, we manage to track them down
im looking forward to working with you with rdgs to the potential SC

thats all everyone, im hungry!-

2009-01-07T00:20:00.003+08:00

Perfect Catch

Your boyfriend/~~girlfriend~~should be counting their lucky stars as they have found a Perfect Catch in you. You're every person's dream ~~boyfriend~~/girlfriend; understanding, loving, sensitive and self sacrificing. Anyone in a relationship with you should grab hold hard to you as you're just too perfect! However, do be careful to give your love to someone who deserves it or he or she will break your heart as you're simply too nice.

Full of Pain

You've got Eyes Full of Pain. People tend to overlook you, which makes you feel less worthy of their attentions. You sometimes wish you could just disapear from the world around you. You have been hurt very badly in the past and you just wish that someone would understand you, and what their cruelty is doing to you.

goodnight!

2009-01-06T22:09:00.004+08:00

sugar, im missing you so badly..
can you not call me when you're there?
it aches just knowing i cant cab down to see you..

"since i met you, ive fallen in love with you
at least a hundred times for a hundred different reasons.
sometimes i fall in love with you
when i watch you doing something you enjoy,
something you're so involved in that you're hardly aware of my presence
at times i fall in love with you when i listen to your conversations
whether you're being interesting, funny, warm, caring or genuinely concerned,
you have a way of making people feel better with merely words..
sometimes i fall in love with you just thinking about you,
remembering all the memories we've made...
falling in love for the first time, staying in love during the rough times,
finding more to love about you & each other every day..
and whenever i think about the wonderful things that lie ahead of us,
i fall totally and completely in love with you all over again.."

though you just called for a brief 1min 3sec..
it means a lot just being able to know that you're fine
please come home soon..

*Te echo De menos, quiero estar contigo para siempre~

2009-01-06T17:47:00.002+08:00

5:30pm, i can finally feel at ease..
found the ring at the most unworldly place, ever.
in the tissue bin beside my bed. idk how it even manage to get there-
anyway, who cares now. the ring is found & im glad.

oh, i miss my mokcitdut..
getting a phone call from him at 4:19am, oh my!
you know what? its like 9-10hrs different from Singapore.
we manage to talk for a short while cos i didnt wanna bomb his bill

damn, i wish he's around.. everything's so chaotic w/o him!
ring went MIA, sister broke her elbow joint, i gotta cater to a weirdo
*screams-
kids these days are getting way scarier than our time i suppose.
i need to gather my ushers & then to bed early..
too exhausted from yesterday & today's walk in high heels
good evening everyone(=

2009-01-05T08:23:00.003+08:00

in SR4 right now with just Mrs Seetoh..
both of us are relaxing since no student is here yet!
gonna be blogging for just awhile.

currently im overly upset, i cant find my ring!-
it was gone this morning.. idk where it is.
usually i'll put it either on the dashboard beside my bed or
the compartment behind my sliding mirror..
but its missing this morning!

i just couldnt find it.. its never been this bad.
but i know it wasnt misplaced cos i put near my bangles..
oh gosh, i feel extremely empty & lost without it on my finger
i need to find it soon, but where to search?
haiz.. im just gonna chat with Mrs Seetoh to erase this discomfort.

2009-01-04T23:36:00.002+08:00

im finally home ):
sent him off to airport with his family
just got a call from him cos his flight was delayed..
a week away to Barcelona, Spain!

guess, im really gonna miss him so much!
he might be back this Saturday but it all depends there..
i, somehow am not upset over his departure which it find strange.
cant recall what went thru my mind when he hugged me
felt empty. vacant.

at the back of my mind, i was kinda glad he went there..
since it means he's upgrading himself to be a better engineer
also, he's alwys been keen in the job scope so i cant afford to refrain him
just well wishes & safe journey back-forth.. i shall say.

finally i'll find some tranquility over these few days
or maybe gloom since tmr is the start of school!
i gotta manage class OA together with Mrs Seetoh.. gosh.
lets hope Monday isnt so bad. gdnight-

p.s. I'll Miss You..

2009-01-02T15:52:00.000+08:00

another day of orientation..
today, everything kinda went smoothly compared to 31st
it was an honour to work alongside the principal & director
frankly, i thought they were a bunch of boring people
but i was wrong cos it was fun implementing new things to them

the day was filled with laughter due to all the weird names we saw
finally got our SC tshirt! i love it seriously.
farahliyana & izzat, great job(=
aunty jo passed me the schedule for the Gala Night,
now, we gotta do more days so yeah..

im gonna get ready now, to meet sugar..
probably be spending these few days with him before his departure
he's confirm going to Spain at least no longer on Sat night
it'll be on Sun night & i plan to send him off..
alright, im off to shower..

2008-12-31T16:49:00.001+08:00

bumming while waiting for students to register(:
thanks derrick for that geeky specky!

2008-12-31T02:54:00.004+08:00

currently, i cant sleep.. idk whether isit the gastric or what..
gotta wake up by 5:45am so i can report earlier for the orientation.
i havent been eating properly lately.. well, since 26th actually..
just didnt feel the urge to eat so i ate only once a day
so since i cant sleep, im gonna cleanse my brain from unhealthiness
bear with me, cos this is gonna be an immensely long entry!

i wanna start 2009 with a clear conscience..
no baggage of heartbreaks/ traumatizing events since 2007
as i didnt start my 2008 properly..
there’s a few questions lingering in my head currently,
i’ll list all as the entry goes by okay? (:

since September 2007, i wonder why i:

was keen on meeting him at Velvet Dragon;
agreed on the date to the beach though we’ve only met once,;
decided why he was way better than the other 20plus guys;
find him suitable though he drank, smoke & had piercing;

after that im uncertain to why i stayed though:

he left me for some matters for more than a month;
i heard conflicting stories about him since the first month;
we had the worst 1st major argument in Jan’08;
he despises me being in ite & my“new”friends;
i gotta know about his secrets by accident while doing spring cleaning;
i couldnt meet any of my friends but he could;
he was against almost all of my interests that ive been accredited for;
he said that A liking him was my misjudgments when i notice otherwise;
he kept asking A to come along on our outings even to JB;
i was humiliated in front of A & all she did was smirk at me;
he went out alone with A while im in school & got my gfs questioning;
i find out about E, things they did & him lying about it until confrontation;
i was emotionally & physical bruised;
he has overwhelmingly weird accounts over the web;
i knew too much about his life before me;

now, somehow i:

still find it extremely hard to trust him when he says he has to OT;
dont find security & comfort in his arms like i used to;
envy his ex gfs cos they were either rich, can cook, gorgeous, working;
can never be better than any of his previous partners;
still feel he still love his first gf & she’ll always be the perfect one;
was kept away from so many things he did behind my back;
couldnt make him laugh like when we first got to know each other;
never manage to please him in any way..

haiz.. thats about it. ive let all this out. i chose not to keep any of this
i feel more cleansed right now.. probably i can sleep now.
wanna apologize if the post seemed kinda hurtful to you,
forgive me, i just gotta let out all of the sudden doubts & insecurity

i’ll prevent harping on the past in 2009, its harmful to the rship
i hope you understand.. i dont mean to mislead you..
i dont wish to think you’re useless cos i know you can & will change
gonna keep having faith that you’ll quit those nonsense..

have a pleasant morning everyone..
well wishes for the new year!

2008-12-30T16:41:00.002+08:00

finally i came to my senses..
i dont care what people might say anymore,
im gonna pursue my dreams with or without approval
as long as i know it wont clash with my religion
nor isit an indecency to the eye of the public

i will get my Higher Nitec in Business Administration
i will get my Diploma in Finance, Accounting, Public Relations or Admin
i will get my Diploma in Cosmoprof Academy
i will get my drivng & bike licence
i will get my certificate in Muslim Laws & Education
i will get my certificate for a qualified arts teacher
i will get my freelance job in a bridal shop
i will get my double degree in the course i took in polytechnic
i will get a proper man equipped with knowledge of Islam & fulfills it
i will get a man who will cherish & be devoted to his wife..
i will get a stable career to support my husband

wish me all the best as i strive towards all this goals..
i wont wanna be a hindrance to any living soul
just wish to do myself, my family & potential soulmate proud
make them proud of all my accomplishments in life

so that i wont have to depend on my parents anymore
therefore it'll be my turn to support my parents for all they've done
support my husband in his goals & ambition..
& family so that they'll be safe from harm & be useful for the future..
amin.

2008-12-29T13:04:00.003+08:00

conversation with chelle over why we hang on to our rship..
its been quite a while since we've catch up on so many goin ons in our lives
so we were talking about men & why their sucha hassle.

some of the things we took as our discussion examples
(main points are in italics & underlined);

boys will alwys be boys, they tend to cheat, they're overprotective
they tend to lie, too egoistic, not supportive of our interests,
too overpowering, paranoid over their gf, despise their gf's guybuddies,
we cant contact opposite gender but they can, they're alwys right
they have rights to befriend anyone, etc.

after much discussion, we pondered why we still hang on..
isit cos we're sick of dating? NO, we love dating
in fact, dating was like our forte but we were alwys too picky
perhaps guys these days are so typical or predictable? NOPE, they're diff.
hard to find the ones with proper character? VERY TRUE!
guys are mostly players & dont follow their religions? YEPP, haiz..

finally, we concluded that its..
PROVE: we need them to potray the fact that they arent alwys the same
TRUTH: we pray they'll quit lying if they say they love us, etc
LOVE: we love them too much & stood by them though we got broken
therefore, we need them to PROVE TRUE LOVE(:

haha! we dont know, but seems like our paths sounded similar
since secondary sch, downfalls, pitfalls, blackhole.. we went thru together
probably giving up on a rship would be easy for others, but
imagine being singletini our entire lives? NO WAY!

maybe we'll get married, if hubby cheats.. we'll dump them!
cos we're career women! so we still have a wide variety of men to evaluate
idk, it was a funny conversation of life & MEN these days.
thanks chelle, glad we had the conversation.

2008-12-29T01:09:00.003+08:00

granny's recovering well, which is good news..
hear her telling stories abt my aunt's ghostly encounter in SGH toilet
getting to know from granddad that she skipped her appointment
haiz.. stubborn! grandmothers..

boyfriend & me, doing fine.. one point noted,
as the relationship progress, the slightest issue becomes sensitive
idk why though. cant really defined what the relationship got us into..
seems like our expectetions of each other are piling mad!
gosh, very tedious process of growing up..

31st celebrating with boyfriend(=
have yet to conclude where we're heading for new year's eve..
but damn sure, it aint town or those congested malls!
2nd year running of celebrating new year with boyfriend..
more to come, hopefully.

fyi, engagement isnt happening anytime soon
so stop hoping for wedding bells till im above 28yrs old k?
good morning world, i need to rest as im visiting granny later..

2008-12-28T03:05:00.002+08:00

i'll let you think about it,
happy working..

2008-12-26T14:32:00.002+08:00

2008 has been a pretty unlucky year..
all thats happened, all thats bound to happen,
idk what gonna occur to my life anymore
things ive worked towards, vanished like a tornado
suddenly life has no meaning to me
wake up suddenly, my love life is gone..
im not what any guy would wanna be with at all
too complicated, too simple, too nice, too young, etc
ive never been the right one for anyone in my relationships
nothing i did seemed appreciated, im always compared
if they knew i was nowhere near their standard,
why take me in at the beginning & waste all their efforts?
i seriously hate the becoming of my life..

2008-12-26T01:20:00.004+08:00

when will you ever stop all this crap & be truthful to me?
why wont you give up doing all this nonsense?
you wont wanna drive me away yet you're doing all this..
im not your bitch whom you could spit at & command to follow your choices
i have feelings too & i know very well when something isnt right
tell me exactly what you've been hiding all this while..
it irks me not knowing the facts that you've hidden from me
i dont need somebody else telling me, i want you!
i want those words, stories & facts coming from your mouth..
wont you spare me some respect or dignity & tell me whats going on?
if you wanna call it quits, just say it & i wont drag you further

2008-12-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas!
-to everyone who's celebrating it..

btw, you guys have so got to watch Ip Man(:

watching the stunts, effects, storyline is superb, seriously envy this man!
some parts of the movie reminded me of tammy chua,
as its about Japan invading China.
story of the man who taught kungfu to Bruce Lee!(:

i recommend the movie, so hop along & catch it asap.
cant be rated, cos its a you-must-see-to-know kinda movie!
haha! enjoy your Christmas celebrations everyone..

2008-12-24T23:59:00.000+08:00

it already 11:58pm now.. more than 5hrs has past.
tensed atmosphere, fidgeting, nobody was at ease since we got the news
everyone's anxiously waiting for their turn to see granny
since she's in ICU, only two can go in at a time..

i wished i hadnt gone in at all..
when in with sugar & was totally taken aback by what i saw
there she was lying on the bed, lifeless.
all she was depending on was the life support which looks like,
its sucking air outta her..

terrified, i never wanna see her in that state..
especially when she was fine yesterday, calling me up & gossiping
she was okay, i know she's been sick due to old age
but pneumonia? or dialysis? it never struck me once..
knowing her white cells are more than the reds
im scared, i dont wanna lose my granny..

god, if you wish to take her away.. please do it smoothly..
dont let her suffer, i pity her so much..
it hurts me seeing her tryna grasp for air like that
please. spare her of all the pain~

2008-12-24T15:05:00.001+08:00

sugar, has it really been that long? ive lost count. hmm..

2008-12-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

i think im kinda outdated, cos since its opening.. ive not been there.
know what im talking about? marina barrage, you silly(=
seriously, im kinda upset that it took me so long to venture

waited till sugar ended work, park the lorry & get the car
met him around 6plus before we proceeded to our destination..
expressways are always sickening; jam, accidents & etc
we managed to reach the place after pass by secluded spots

huge place, huge water refinery! & i love it.
the ambiance is just simply so calming & romantic..
dont you guys dare to miss out on this place!

firstly, i cant post all the pictures till i get them from sugar
cos its mostly taken by his phone(= okay?
here are some from mine:
this view is from the second floor(=i love this view very much(=there's so much to say about the place..
idk what else to elaborate, all i gotta do now is,
to write a report about today for sugar to read during his free time
goah, im in love again with a new location!

finally, we head to spore flyer for dinner at Popeyes
when we reached there, there seemed to be like a power failure
so the whole flyer wasnt moving & some people were stil on the ride
alright, so we had a great dinner.. i simply love the taste of the whip potato!
the biscuit wasnt so bad, it tasted like bread?-

after that, we headed home cos he had to work & such..
so here i am at home.. gonna sleep soon okay sugar?
thanks for taking me there after work ya, i truly appreciate it!
love you loads, take care.. (=

2008-12-23T23:57:00.000+08:00

im simply missing a lot of things like
- kissed under the pouring rain , loved one appear outside my house during arguement,
sudden hug from the back, holidays just the two of us, surprise outing,
fetch me from anywhere & didnt tell me about it, flowers chocolates & candies,
watching the sunset & sunrise, song dedication, etc.

gosh, life's getting too caught up with appointments & events!
i wanna camp out someday, enjoying the refreshing sea breeze in my face..
so in need of an enjoyment like right now please!

2008-12-23T12:03:00.001+08:00

i just came home from council meeting..
gosh, there's so much goin on this upcoming 2009
too many assignments too little time!

line-up of events due for december 2008 to 2009:
29 december - SC room spring cleaning
30 december - orientation kit preparation
31 december & 2 january - january intake registration
5, 6 & 7 january - orientation programme
12 january - cca fair
5 february - meet the parents
10 february - valentine's celebration
11 february - SMP talk at Dover ITE

and the list goes on & on for the other months..
oh yes, a cambodia trip in june to help the less fortunate!
so gotta get excellent grades this upcoming exams(=

the usual, latecomers! doubt people would come on time for SC
semester start, i wont wanna be late for school..
gonna get up earlier so i can escape the bus with that bangladesh!
been avoiding food like plague at home lately
mum's getting worried but i gotta do smth to stop expanding

im done venting emotions, off to a good ice kachang "meal"
also to sandpaper the "i love my bike" bell..
blog again soon, & ive decided to stay with this current skin
lost my creative juices yesterday, hmpff. nvm.

2008-12-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

Lianhua Primary School
Prom Queen for 2008

pose before leaving for grad cum prom in school(=in school with amirul.. i like this chap!thats putri sorfina(:primary 6 classmateswith mum, teachers & principalthe AQ gang!

2008-12-22T21:46:00.002+08:00

sister went for her prom night cum graduation party just now..
i was fun being abled to makeup someone(=
manage to get through to mrs soon regarding the projects
gosh, thanks for the reassurance.. needed it badly!
there's a meeting tmr at 9am for january orientation updates..
now im just gonna meddle with my blog template(=
nights!

2008-12-20T16:46:00.007+08:00

gosh, these three places got me awestruck!

Atlantis The Palm, Dubai
Atlantis Paradise Island, Bahamas
Cove Atlantis

visit the website, be fascinated by the structures..
i wanna go there someday, i'll definitely work my way there
amazingly stunning! the way it mesmerizes their guests.

back to reality, im surely gonna get assistance from my teachers
i dont wanna waste my precious time in ITE, i wanna excel to polytechnic
blogging from sugar's room cos he gotta work at the last minute
oh well, christmas outing with SC on 22dec (=

2008-12-20T01:14:00.002+08:00

what hypocrites am i calling friends?
i dont care what you people have to say, my family comes first!
just cos i couldnt make it for some event, doesnt mean im out with my bf..
he's at work tryna earn a proper living for heaven's sake!
stop jumping to conclusion when you know nothing about my commitments..

i know my life better than anyone does.. friends? they come & go
now, some ite students attends school for other reasons
besides their studies, far from their initial goals on the first day..
then dont go to school, you're wasting precious money..
why do i care? cos its people like you who causes teachers to go insane

projects are piling but nobody seems interested to commit to it..
do i have to go contacting everyone to discuss projects?
where's all your commitment? learn to organise your time at least..
you can enjoy all you want but complete your assignments first.

coming to school late, not coming at all or falling asleep in class
than blaming the teacher when you fail cos you dont understand
whats your brain for? go home revise if you're so weak at the topic
if you're rude to a teacher, its fine but when others does so,
you said that they should apologise, grow up, etc..

reflect! dont ever judge others when they make mistakes..
when yours, you never even try to fix at all! what a disgrace!
quit pretending to be nice to me when you do otherwise behind my back..
you people cant be trusted & i'll no longer put faith on you..
wasted my time, effort & resources..

2008-12-16T00:08:00.001+08:00

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Jaden Smith, Tony Scott, Kathy Bates
Directed by: Scott Derrickson

spectacular is an understatement.
there's no words to describe the way the movie has impacted me..
reminding me of the day of resurrection, armageddon, etc
how much destruction we have cuased the earth..
i give the movie two thumbs up & recommend everyone to watch it!
a sure 9.5/10.. cos certain parts was freaking me out )=

2008-12-14T20:40:00.001+08:00

pictures from the photo shoot at Foto Gallery Studio..
unfortunately, my brother didnt come along cos he had soccer training

these are the 2 best pictures(=we had fun jumping, rolling, stretching & smiling..
both my parents said," no wonder you enjoyed your modelling life, its interesting
having 2 person attending to your hair & makeup while you sit, smiling."

hmm.. glad they knew it wasnt a boring job that pays well..
anyways, the pictures were complimentary(:
then, we didnt know what to do after the makeover session
cos we were exhausted so had dinner at Al Azhar before heading home.

2008-12-13T23:53:00.008+08:00

went to aunty rozita's wedding at toa payoh(=
dont know so well except that she's my mum's distant cousin..

so here's the entrance to the wedding.
the royal-looking pelamin..bride & groom giving their Thank You speechchandelier&the berkats filled with eggs & chocolatesthis is the wedding planner, L.A.B Bridal Couture
abg2 kompangs & the ice cream cake!uncle bob & me.. he's 38 & single, any takers?=Pfarhan's family..dad & nenek singing some old malay songs & khairuddin samsudin!my mum's siblings+husbans+kidskhairuddin samsudin!(=briede & groom going off to change attire for dinnermamy is old today! she's 45.. happy birthday mamy!(=
went mini grocery shopping with sugar & i got strawberries & whip cream!
sugar had his doritos with salsa sauce..
got bored in the car while waiting for him to get the salsa sause(=got home to change & eat maggi cooked by sugar..
i was like a kid while eating strawberries in the car near yishun damp.
strawberries is the sex, i tell you. okay, nights nights.
btw, her name is BonBon..

2008-12-13T11:25:00.000+08:00

yepp, i got so bored for waking up early..
childhood photos that is seriously hilarious & memorable

2008-12-12T23:05:00.010+08:00

i gotta forsake my green contacts cos it cut my eye..
all the eye product has helped reduce all the irritation & pain!
thankfully, if not i gotta go thru further checkup.

ive managed to gather all the resources i need for my projects..
from Principles of Marketing to Entrepreneurship & finally, Life Skills.
meeting the girls for Sentosa on Monday & aunty's wedding tmr..
what a way to start off the holidays..

so met LOVE today for neoprints & dinner at McDonalds in Bugis Junction
i realised that riding the bike is far more fun yet death defying..
having all the wind in your face, your heart pumping when going past corners, etc.
ok, here's some of the pictures.. no, wait, its all of it actually..

we couldnt hangout long since he had to wake up early for work tmr..
guess what? on the ride back home, he went on the JTC Summit "drop" route
damn it was awesome & scary.. the speed, the sudden deceleration!
cos he speed from the traffic & all the way down the slope.. argh.

told him to go thru that again the next time, at full speed (=
this happens when i get bored while waiting for his phonecall.. haha!

well, til then.. i gotta sleep now, need to wake him up at 6:45 then sleep
& wake up before noon to get ready for the wedding.. nights.

2008-12-12T01:25:00.001+08:00

advanced celebrations for natalie, ms president aka scrabble buddy
i realised that she's younger than me! omg, im older.
we planned ahead on the surprised of the huge birthday cake..
aunty jo got the pizzas, hawaiian, barbecue & seafood!

natalie was surprised over the huge & wide the cake was
she cant stop blushing.. aww~ natalie, natalie =P
& 2 person had to share a slice of the cake cos its so huge..
some of the excos had discussions with the teachers for Orientation
while the rest of us sat around the table talking about SC

after that, things got kinda tensed & serious.. hmm. kinda lost for awhile
thankfully, everything managed to be cleared through the "meeting"
dearest sent me a msg that got me looking blur for a moment
sugar, you okay? that was one of the un-called for sms..

played scrabble with natalie & as usual, laughed like mad cos cant make a word
im getting addicted! darns. i cant wait for orientation.. (=
off home to get change before i met sugar for dinner at cavana!
its like im becoming a social stalker, staring at bf while he eats.. creepy.
he bought a round soft pillow for me to put in his room. thanks!

playing reversi/othello with sugar gets funnier each time cos i kept losing!
im elated to have one more person to my care, nek haji..
amazing. i love attending to people.. idk why. kiv, 9 & 13 february.
well, now i gotta rest due to the right eye.. like infection.
good early morning, & always look on the bright side of life.. =p

*i can only depend on salihah & su'aidah for projects.
thank you girls for being committed(:
& girl, dont shoot me if you plan to shoot yourself with your own words-

2008-12-10T08:28:00.002+08:00

photoshop is getting interesting!(=im awake, yes im awake..
to do my final recap on Principles of Marketing
though i might seem too preoccupied with family & boyfriend
i still do find time to study as i wanna excel in the future

yesterday, i realised that mrs soon has high hopes on me
as she felt the rest of my classmates werent focusing
furthermore, she wished i hadnt join the council
cos she's afraid my grades may suffer due to my commitment
she wants me to go to polytechnic, write me complimenting testimonial

frankly, i didnt know she & aunty jo view highly of me..
im shocked that ive impacted their lives just by being myself
getting their phone calls after school, telling me ive done great
wow, it seriously spurs me to do well cos i'll enlighten so many people..
thank you everyone thats been giving me help(=
i shall & definitely excel through all the guidance & support.

i seek refuge in God Almighty, Allah..
ive discovered relaxation by walking along the shores..

2008-12-09T20:55:00.000+08:00

im not as important as what i thought ive always were..
was far beyond the point of devastation when i became aware of that reality
seems like what ive worked towards all this while,
hasnt been truly appreciated. how could that have happened?
where & whats my mistake this time round?
i was put in a position where i had to please all three people,
unfortunately, i ended up getting the cold shoulder from one of them..
he hasnt msg, didnt care if i had exams tmr or
even if ive made it to school today or have i returned home safely?

2008-12-07T13:02:00.000+08:00

elated that I watched BOLT! Miley Cyrus was the voice of Penny
& John Travolta was Bolt(= both, lead actor/actress duet the final song
'I Thought I Lost You' - it hasnt come out yet so i cant publish it.

great entertaining flick with jokes for the grownups
whole load of fun for kids to get a kick out of..
animation was spectacular, characters were all very enjoyable
the wit of their lines was sharp and laugh inducing..
deinite watch even if you're not a kid it'll make you act like one(=
seriously.

overall, i'll give BOLT a 9/10!(=

the main characters..Miley Cyrus & John Travolta.these are his two buddies, mitten & rhino.. haha!
alright ok? im gonna continue watching Phineas & Ferb, hilarious.
thanks sugar for taking me out to watch BOLT..
anyway.. baby's sleeping so wont disturb him, lazy sunday afterall

2008-12-05T19:32:00.042+08:00

like oh, finally! no lesson day(=
thank you aunty jo for conducting the class report trip
alas, we managed to distress ourselves & be in comfortable attire

had to be in school by 10:15am, i had ample time to get ready..
thankfully i was awake by 8am.. had a fulfilling breakfast
egg mixed with bread made by BABY's mum & cheese bread made by mum
and oh, i almost forgot, a nice cuppa milo *hmm-

came to school with sue, eza & iqah..
got on the bus & tried my very best to ignore a particular soul
success! yes yes yes! slept in the bus all the way til Tekka area

so this is the place we visited, scroll for a sneek peek..

the waterfall within the LTA Museum..

everyone engross listening to the tour guide
sugar, i want this chair can? i like it a lot..

the fake mrt, kinda looks real though..looks real right? love the effects..

sue, liza & tammy on the trishaw..
transitlink guide & the ticket puncher in old times

the upcoming train upgrades in singapore.. by 2020.
the mini-maps of singapore lands..
the F1 sneak peak, racer cars & crucial decisions for 2020..
how our future systems will look like.. very hightech & beyond imagination
but will make us gemok due to laziness, too dependant on technology..
end of trip, gathered up for a class photo..
the LTA Museum exterior & security guard post(=
i love this house exterior, i'll work towards this concept. trust me!
pretty interesting this time round, hmm..
maybe previously i went with a different bunch of people. idk.
chatting with aunty jo & tammy otw back to school made me feel certain
that im not alone when it comes to issues with regards to sc. phew-

chapter meeting was okay, many latecomers etc. inefficient.
cant wait for more activities, valentine's & definitely orientation'09
wonder hows the turnout will be.. gotta be enticing i supose(=
december holidays booked by events, darn.

11 & 12 dec - meeting; orientation
19 dec - preparation kit; orientation (morning)
19 dec - class bbq pit; east coast (evening)
22 dec - christmas celebration; SC

bump into enah, muhd & haziqah at bukit batok central..
sat with my aunt for awhile before mamang sabtu came & i went off home..
saw these flowers, the colour simply attracted me(=

okay, im done blogging.. hungry but shant eat. bf say i gemok!
so must prevent any more fatty food in my mouth..
holiday will be a session of doing personal workouts near my estate.

2008-12-05T08:25:00.002+08:00

College West 2nd Combined Investiture

a very good morning.. im going to LTA Museum today(=

2008-12-04T19:10:00.003+08:00

random post(=
just cant wait for tomorrow'a outing with the class..
unfortunately, i gotta come back to school for chapter meeting 1430hrs

somebody's being a bitch recently, cant stand her any longer
still awaiting for my darling to come home..